Last Sacrifice
by RawhrILoveYou
Summary: Chapter 1
1. Chapter 1

Isn't it funny how the simplest thing can be enough incentive to bring out the jealousy that resides within you, building up and boiling over at the most seemingly insignificant little action or word? Oh great Rose, you're back to primary school maturity level. It's not like he swept her off her feet and carried her off to his room for heaven's sake.

And yet it was with a red haze through which I watched him laughing at her, for lack of better wording, pathetic attempt to throw a punch at Dimitri, only to be knocked off her balance from the exertion. In all the precious time that I spent with Dimitri, a time that seemed like a different life from now, I had only ever managed to get a smile out of him on the rare occasions that I caught him off guard.

And yet here he was, laughing openly at Lissa's expense, his soft Russian accent, which I once found so endearing almost pushing me over the edge. Couldn't Lissa see what this was doing to me? I stopped there, scolding myself for even considering that my best friend would ever knowingly take part in something that would hurt me. I doubted that she even realised that I was watching, considering that I didn't exactly bother to alert her of my current presence.

_This isn't you Rose_, I told myself, _you were never that girl_. And yet here I am, having shameful thoughts about my best friend; crying myself to sleep on more occasions than my pride would ever let me admit over a guy that felt nothing for me, moreover he loathed the sight of me. I was practically hiding from the pair of them. Rose Hathaway hiding. Two years ago I would have scoffed at the idea of a boy reducing me to this.

But then, this wasn't just a boy. It was Dimitri. The man I loved. The man with whom I spent a year fighting our feelings for each other, and just when it seemed like we could be together (not really be together, but at least in secret), he was taken away from me. The man I literally travelled to the other side of the world to save. And more recently, he was the man who claimed he could no longer love. And if he could no longer love, then he had no place in his life for me.

_Love fades. _His words were still etched permanently in my mind, and their resurfacing caused tears to well up in my eyes. _Not here, _I told myself. I would save them for tonight, as I always did. Up until that very moment, I hadn't believed him for one second when he first came back. How could he not love me? I refused to believe that after everything I had felt, everything I was sure that he had felt too, could amount to nothing. _Love fades. _Would mine ever? I already knew the answer. No. I would never stop loving Dimitri.

It was at that moment when I zoned back into reality, only to wish that I hadn't. My hands clenched up into fists, my chest tightening up, and I watched as Lissa 'caught him off guard' and they both tumbled onto the floor together. Dimitri was never caught off guard. He was a god, lethal yet graceful.

I was happy that Dimitri was now free of all but one guardian as protection, one which happened to be a close friend of his. It meant that society was one step closer to accepting him as a Damphir. But surely if he was still subject to his previous security scheme there would be no hope in hell that those guardians would ever let Dimitri spar like this with Princess Vasilissa, the last of the line of Dragomir's.

Of course Stan, Dimitri's only remaining guardian, knew that Dimitri would never let harm come to Lissa. In fact, he was encouraging Dimitri and laughing heartedly, the way no serious guardian would...the way I might laugh if Dimitri would talk to me. The few times he had talked to me lately were to ask me to leave him alone, something I all too willingly did; anything to get away from the conflicted glare that he would fix on me, full of frustration, hatred and at times what I would swear was longing.

I got the sudden urge to watch the scene from Lissa's point of view. Looking back on it, I was ashamed at myself for even wanting to pry into her mind, to know for sure what she was feeling. All I could think was the effect he had on women, and how impossible it would be to be so close to him without some sort of reaction.

But of course, Lissa only had eyes for one man, Christian. Don't ask me what she sees in him. Christian and I shared a love hate relationship of sorts. Lissa likes to think that it's because we're too similar and too full of pride to ever fully except each other. I on the other hand, like to pin it on his biggest flaw. His personality. Okay, so that was a bit harsh, he wasn't all that bad. He's saved Lissa from herself when I couldn't, and if it weren't for him, Dimitri might still be strigoi or dead. He saved him, and in that, he saved me. I owe him more than I could ever repay.

But of course my recklessness, even more so enhanced by my jealousy, stopped me from seeing straight. And so it was into Dimitri's beautiful, brown eyes that I stared into, so filled with warmth for Lissa, not in a romantic way as anyone else that hadn't spent hours studying his demeanour like I had might conceive. It was filled with admiration and wonder, like she was his idol. That still didn't make it any easier for me to control my feelings.

But no matter what my feelings might be towards him now, I still couldn't help but to stop and admire the beauty of his face. Surely there was some cosmic law that stopped anybody from being so strikingly amazing. I followed his flawless skin down his perfectly structured jawbone. He obviously hadn't shaved for a while, but the stubble looked good on him; made him more impossibly sexy.

His ridiculously gorgeous face was framed by long, dark brown hair, running down to almost shoulder length, and complimenting his eyes perfectly. It was out today in a casual disarray that worked so well for him, as opposed to his usual ponytail. I liked it better this way, but Dimitri was nothing if not practical.

Lissa's thoughts weren't where I expected them to be. They were on me. She was worrying profusely. I haven't been out all that much as of late, and in the few short times that I had, I had made sure to steer well clear of Lissa, using the bond to avoid her presence. I knew that where Lissa was, Dimitri would be. I can only be rejected by him so many times, and I don't think it's in me to withstand the pain that one more encounter like the last would bring. Not even for Lissa.

Still I missed her like crazy and yearned for her company nearly as much as I yearned for Dimitri. I tore myself from this familiar stranger who he had become, coming back into my own head. With these frustrating thoughts conflicting through my head madly, I stood up, apparently a bit too abruptly.

Suddenly, I had a dozen guardians on me. I forcedly froze into place, scolding myself for the rash action. Surely by now I would start remembering the consequences. Then again, it's hard to get used to the fact that your every move is guarded by twelve guardians, all of whom believe that you murdered their queen.

Well, not all of them. A surprising amount of them had barely graduated, considering the fact that they were meant to be guarding a top-security, criminal mastermind. Not only were they barely graduates, some were just sixteen years of age. The newly instated law claims that Damphir's now became legible for graduation the moment they turn sixteen.

Some of the gutsier, and more often than not the slightly thicker ones, jumped at the chance to graduate. The more idealistic students however, took to the new rule with reluctance, but unfortunately had no choice in the matter. They would have to graduate whether they liked it or not.

So there were those few former fellow attendees of St. Vladimir with which I had befriended who knew me well enough to know that I would never commit to anything like murder of the queen, and then some strangers with a damn good judge of character who believed me in my small clan. Five of twelve.

Still, these few allies couldn't exactly voice their beliefs or show any hesitation in pinning me to the ground when a visible threat reveals it's self. Any fraternisation with someone as 'dangerous' and tabooed as me would result in accusations of association. I would never ask them to do that, but did they really have to be so convincing? Surely they didn't have to hit me with that much force.

"I'm just getting up so that I can go back to my room," I breathed, my eyes closed in concentration. Losing my temper wouldn't help the situation, which I learnt in the first few days of having my own mob following me around. "Does anybody have a problem with that?" Most of the faces remained blank, in true guardian form; however some of the younger ones had the decency to look slightly abashed and embarrassed.

_Breathe, _I told myself, _it's better than jail, it's better than jail..._ And that's what I continued to tell myself the entire walk to my room. I had learnt to mostly ignore the formation of guardians around me, and the looks of disgust that I got from some of the passers-by, on majority royal Moroi. The stale stench of cigarettes and alcohol alerted me to his presence before I even lay eyes on the handsome face of Adrian Ivashkov, the tall, dark Moroi leaning against the wall, unnervingly resembling a model gone bad.


	2. Chapter 2

Adrian...yet another problem in my far too complicated life. It was one that, if I'm being completely honest with myself, is completely and utterly my fault. Leading him on is, and will always be, the most selfish thing I had ever done...and trust me, there were a lot. What had I said to him? That I would really try with him if I lost Dimitri.

And I really thought that I could do that, that I was doing it prior to Dimitri's unexpected return. But I didn't fully realise the implications when I spoke those words no more than a year ago. It meant letting go of Dimitri. It meant falling out of love with him, and letting myself fall in love with Adrian, an all too impossible feat, even for the likes of Rose Hathaway.

I truly believed that I was starting to love Adrian. But I was in love with Dimitri, irrevocably. And to my dismay, even with my attempts at convincing him otherwise, Adrian was much more perceptive than I gave him credit for. He knew me better than I would have thought possible, considering how closed off I had been with him from the beginning.

He could see the emotions raging within me whenever someone accidently broached up the subject of Dimitri. He could see the confliction that burned intensely in my eyes when we kissed. He could sense my tendency to force passion into each kiss that should have already been there. And it hurt him. He may brush them off with smart-arse comments and subtle melancholy smiles, but that was only to save his pride. But he was in love with me. He loved me in a way that I would never be in love with him. And I hated myself for that.

He looked up then, his emerald green eyes which usually fell so deep with trances of poetic origins now covered with a haze which I had come to recognize as a sure sign of too much alcohol. He flicked his light brown hair out of his eyes, before grinning at a pair of young Moroi girls who giggled in embarrassment at getting caught out at admiring his strikingly handsome appearance which he was all too aware of.

I made a face as Adrian laughed at my obvious frustration. "Is it really that hard for you to have eyes for only me?" Oops. I only realised the irony and foolishness of my choice of words about half a second after they came out.

"Is that a hint of jealousy I hear in your voice, little Damphir?" I blushed and his smile spread even further, revealing a full set of perfect white teeth. But behind his playful words, I saw darker thoughts brewing. Would I ever stop hurting him?

Out of guilt, and admittedly a small part of hurt over what I had just witnessed between Dimitri and Lissa, I threw my arms around him, "It depends...should I have reason to be worried about you running off with a pair of twelve year old girls?" Now it was his turn to blush. "Mmm...I got you there." Our lips met.

And with that he pulled me into a passionate kiss, one that he had taken to ever since our encounter not so long ago on the night when I supposedly committed murder. We had never gotten to that point, but we got damn close. The only thing stopping us was that small part of responsibility residing in me that reminded me of the one component missing in the nearly perfect moment. A condom.

At the time, I had wanted it. In fact I was the aggressor to begin with, but admittedly, lately I had been avoiding the topic. Adrian's obvious longing which he had held back so long for my sake swayed my resolve widely, but every time we came close these last few days, I found an excuse not to.

Pulling me into the room, Adrian whispered, "Did you work anything out on your walk?" His breathing was heavy as he spoke in between kisses. As he started pulling me to the bed I broke apart from him, turning away to avoid meeting the hurt from rejection I knew I would find if I looked him in the eyes.

A deafening silence filled the room and I turned to face him, but he wasn't looking at me. He was staring at the floor in slight frustration, the confusion clear on his gorgeous features. And just like that realization lit up his face, yet I couldn't help but think we weren't on the same page. As much was proved when he turned to the dozen guardians who were situated in a tactical arrangement around the room, a majority of their faces professional and blank, but their body language gave away the awkwardness they were experiencing and I felt my cheeks turn bright red.

"Would you mind giving us a bit of privacy?" He asked loudly, the excitement and anticipation barely concealed in his voice plunging into me like cold knives.

They all looked at each other pointedly and Reese, the head guardian, answered on behalf of the lot, "You were not allowed this freedom to gallivant around with Mr. Ivashkov here," he said in a rude, sarcastic tone, "You were only permitted this leniency because of the Princess Dragomir's, erm, persistence."

I scoffed at that last comment. Lissa had all but shouted like a lunatic at the court for this "injustice to the innocent...moreover the heroic". The court certainly hadn't been impressed by her lack of tact and respect, but nevertheless, allowed me to continue with my day-to-day life until the hearing...followed by a dozen guardians that is. Of course, it did help that Lissa used compulsion on almost the entire court. I had scolded her for it, but I was secretly grateful. I knew my limits, and remaining in a jail cell for days awaiting my death sentence surpassed them to say the least.

Adrian shook his head in mock ruefulness, "Then I guess you lot had better turn away." With that he pulled me into a passionate embrace, and moved our bodies slowly towards the bed and I sighed in what was meant to be frustration, but what the guardians obviously took as something else entirely. They shifted awkwardly on their feet, deliberating on their next course of action. Finally Reese sighed in resignation, "We'll be right outside so don't even think about doing anything stupid," he paused then added slyly, "I know that may be a difficult task for you, but remember, it's your head."

Adrian couldn't help himself, "You mean it's your head if she escapes?" Reese kept his face blank, yet I could've sworn that I heard him curse Adrian's name under his breath as he closed the door. After he was sure that the room was clear, Adrian turned back to me, his excitement making him hard-pressed to control the level of his voice, and a seductive smile crept onto his lips, "Problem solved, little Damphir..." My next words would hurt him, but this was my last chance.

"We can't do this Adrian," I choked out, this time I stared him straight in the eye so that he could see my resolve was solid. Unfortunately, that meant I could also see his face twist in a mixture of feelings, not all of which I could identify...hurt, rejection, anger. And so I lied again. "You're drunk. Do you really think that's an appealing idea to me? I want both of us to be completely sober if...," I paused, taking in the suspicion on his face and corrected myself, "When we do this."

Adrian's face took on a blank, almost guardian like composure, which I didn't like in the slightest. He sighed heavily, "Rose, I don't think you realise the effect you have on me. You can't give me the promise of something like this and not follow through with it. Do you even know how much each rejection upsets me?"

His raw honesty with his feelings, which was so unlike Adrian, put me on the defensive. "You can't just pressure me into something like this," my voice raised an octave, "I should have known this would happen." Despite my obvious anger, Adrian stood his ground, refusing to be side-tracked by my attempt at turning the blame onto him.

"I don't want to pressure you into anything Rose. I waited. I waited longer than I would have thought possible for me, because I wanted you to be ready. I wanted you to want it, to want me like I wanted you". He wasn't even looking at me now, his eyes had glazed over even more so than before as he stared out the window at the Court buildings adjacent from the building my room was situated in. "You can't tell me this is just about the alcohol. It's him isn't it?"

He didn't have to say the name for my thoughts to jump immediately to Dimitri. I looked down, and he took my silence as acknowledgement of his assumption. "You know how much I love you...but I can't keep waiting in the wings. I won't be your rebound anymore." With that he left the room, his absence leaving me with a horrible mixture of guilt, anger and worst of all, a feeling of unending loneliness.

Adrian had stood by me no matter what. And now that he was gone, who did I have to turn to? I was sure this time that I had pushed my luck far beyond the limits with him. I hadn't even tried to deny his allegations towards me to avoid hurting his feelings like I'm sure he thought that I would. I had gone too far, and now I would have to pay the price. I had pushed Lissa away beyond repair, and even though I was sure she would forgive me, I wasn't sure I could face her after the way I had been acting towards her as of late. If I couldn't find refuge in my best friends care, who did I have to rely on?

Drowning deep in my own thoughts, the knock on the door resonated deafeningly in the dead silence that filled my room, and I jumped up and reached for the stake at my side that wasn't there. "Damn it," I breathed. I kept forgetting that I was still the prime suspect for the Queen's murder, not exactly the best candidate to carry a stake. Then a rush of adrenaline and hope rushed through me, and I lunged at the door, harshly pulling it open without thinking about my actions, "Adrian, I'm so sorry I..."

I stopped abruptly in mid-sentence; because it wasn't my handsome Moroi boyfriend, or perhaps ex-boyfriend after what just happened, that was staring me in the face. It was him. It was Dimitri. Just as always, I found myself melting into his dark chocolate eyes, and the rush of emotions which he always manage to bring out in me made themselves present. My eyes ran him up and down, and I noted his hair tied up in its usual form, my eyes lingering in between his familiar black duster coat and his waist. He was carrying a stake. "We have to go..." I stared up dumbfounded at him and I tried to get a grip of myself; to make sense of my thoughts that we're going haywire inside of me,

He stared at me in frustration, "Now Roza."


End file.
